I have enjoyed reading social-emotional researcher, Brene Brown’s book “Atlas of the Heart”. From her extensive research into human emotions and experiences she gives “road maps” to help us accurately name and understand our experiences in hope we can live life courageously. I love what she concludes at the end:
‘…our emotions and experiences are layers of biology, biography, behavior and backstory. Every single day, our feelings and experiences show up in our bodies, they’re shaped by where we come from and how we were raised, they drive how we show up, and each feeling has its own unique backstory. Understanding these emotions and experiences is our life’s work. The more we learn the deeper we can continue to explore.”
I thought of the opportunity rowing offers us in uncovering those layers. How we carry these invisible layers in our body, showing up in our rowing, our stroke and body mechanics. Often what we notice are “flaws”, such as imbalances and discrepancies. But rather than judging them, we can choose to see them as an opportunity, to intentionally get curious, pay attention and see what we uncover. Maybe in doing so we notice there is a layer of a deep belief about ourselves, that in its uncovering, reveals how it is showing up in our body and contributing to an imbalance. It is from this better understanding of ourselves that we make an adjustment to get the outcome we desire. Though the process may take time, and is often frustrating, what we learn gives us not only an understanding of our rowing but confidence to continue to “turn toward” the imbalances in order to improve.
How fortunate to have the opportunity to experience such a process, one that we can apply off the water as well, a process to see ourselves more clearly. As deeper understanding of ourselves creates a life of greater meaning, expanded possibilities and openings for connection.
Which leads to more of the conclusion from Brene Brown:
“Our connection with others can only be as deep as our connection with ourselves. If I don’t know and understand who I am and what I need, want and believe, I can’t share myself with you. I need to be connected to myself, in my own body and learning what makes me work. This is how I start to develop the grounded confidence I need to move through the world and cultivate meaningful connections with others.”
Again I thought of rowing, in an eight to be exact, as connecting is necessary for eight people to row as one. Eight different beings, all trying to work with and understand their own inner layers while trying to connect with one another in order to move forward. When you think of it in that way, it is amazing the boat moves at all.
We don’t wait until we have a deep understanding of ourselves before we seek connection with others, much like we don’t “master” a single before jumping in an eight. An example of how rowing mimics life. We work on connecting, while we work to understand ourselves. We learn about ourselves while connecting with others. One informs the other. Our understanding of ourselves deepens by what we learn while connecting with others. This is the same for every human being, in or out of a boat.
How amazing, complex and challenging it is to be human! In recognizing this, it reminds us, before all else, lead with grace and compassion as it is intense to be human. We are all working to uncover and understand our layers while working to connect. It is easy to get lost in the complexity, forget compassion (especially for ourselves), leading to shutting down, missing out on learning, growing and connecting.
Rowing together offers a great opportunity. A laboratory to intentionally practice compassion for ourselves and others. Every time we get in a boat, we can acknowledge what we are doing is challenging, creating an opening for us to bring kind, non-judgmental, attention to the effort. This helps us stay present, even when imbalances and challenges occur. Trusting if we stay open and present we will learn and understand what is needed within us and between us to move forward.
What a wonderful skill to practice. A skill that must be felt and one that strengthens with doing. And because of that, a skill we can carry within us, to use to nurture and understand ourselves, our life and our relationships inside and outside of the boat.