I am excited this summer is an Olympic year. The pageantry, athleticism, teamwork and patriotism from the opening to the closing ceremonies, I take it all in. Something about it only happening every 4 years with many of the competitions/sports being the only time we pay attention to them. I love hearing about athletes that have poured 4 years of their life training to make it there. The resilience and commitment of the human condition is inspiring.
Unfortunately I missed the rowing trials, but I did see the swimming trials. I watched Katie Ledecky being interviewed after she secured her spot to her fourth Olympics. She said what she was most looking forward to was the upcoming Olympic training camp connecting and working with her USA team mates. It got me thinking about the connections and relationships that must be built during that time.
It brought to mind an international rowing event I watched several years ago. My daughter was a young anxious teen and had just started rowing. She, like most, had been looking for a group activity to enjoy and feel a sense of “belonging”. After much experimentation, tears and feelings of inadequacy she found rowing. It was hard for her to put into words, but even though there were challenging and frustrating moments, she loved how she felt being in the boat with others. As a parent it was heartening to hear, the shift in her demeanor could be seen and felt. So when rowing popped up on the TV, it got my attention. I wanted to know about this sport that brought out a sense of ease and joy in my daughter.
Upon watching, I heard the commentator say something that inspires and informs the work I do today. She talked about how success of the boat depended upon each rower paying attention to not only themselves but each other, “reading” one another, adjusting to one another to stay in sync. From that commentary, it became clear to me why I saw such a shift in my daughter; what is needed to make a boat go fast is the same thing that is needed for us as humans to thrive.
This is what I mean, being humans means we are inherently and biologically wired for connection, also known as co-regulating. It is what helps us regulate our nervous system and feel good in our body. Connection puts us in a state of well being; where we feel grounded, life feels manageable, we have a sense of hope and are open to new experiences and challenges.
In fact reciprocity, the most powerful form of connection is defined as connection between people that is created in the back and forth communication between two nervous systems; listening and responding, giving and receiving, attuning and resonating. Sounds a lot like what happens in a boat, two rowers paying attention to themselves and one another, moment to moment, adjusting to one another to work “as one”.
How grateful I felt at that moment, realizing my daughter found an activity, that everytime she steps in the boat she gets to learn, experience and practice connection; the very thing that makes her nervous system feel safe and happy. In addition, when a group practices connection frequently, it increases a sense of safety that protects one another from external stressors, like competition! Every time rowers get in the boat they get to practice how to best use their attention, time and energy to connect with others to achieve a goal There is a felt sense, mind-body learning, creating an imprint on their nervous system that they carry with them out of the boat to all other interactions/relationships. It is for that, that I am most grateful. So many opportunities to learn and grow, all we need to do is stay present and pay attention to them.